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http://faxion.livejournal.com/8386.html
Tonight I went to a young adult Bible study Pastor Gruenhagen was having at his house. He talked about fellowship, and how we all need transcendance. And it got me thinking.
Just what is it I believe?
I believe that faith is a personal journey, and one set dogma does not cover all people at all stages of their life.
I believe I need others: To be honest with myself to them, and who they can be honest with, so that we can accept one another, and have strength to walk forward together.
I have a need to feel that a benevolent higher power is in control, and that all the evil and pain and suffering and inevitable death in this world that seems like evidence for a chaotic and inherintly heartless existance, is part of something much bigger and better.
I need hope.
But I was to afraid to do it.
In the youth group, while interesting and full of hope, and led by a genuinely interesting and down to earth guy, I could not be a 'part' of it. I have questions: about sexuality, and faith, that are unorthodox and genuinely looked down upon. And while I already know the answers they'll give, those answers don't sit well in my heart. But to explore these areas is to suspend dogmatic doctrine, and consider possible alternatives.
And right now, in that place, my fear of condemnation outweighed my hope for understanding, aid, or hope.
So where to next?
-Mike
Published by :faxion 2007-08-14 03:35:21.0
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