small things

http://alyx.livejournal.com/120454.html

...

Rugby practice tonight. I ran until I felt like puking, then ran a little more. I really love the feeling of not being able to get enough air, of using my body as hard as I can (which isn't as hard as I'd like--I haven't been making practices, I haven't been working out, I haven't been doing much but ride my bike to work). Well, mostly I love it when it's over. I wish I'd made more time for it this season, wish I'd played more. I have plans to keep active and work out over the off season, and then play as hard as I can this fall.

...

I have this weekly babysitting gig for P. She's an amazing woman. I'd really like to tell you her story (and you'd like to hear it--it's quite a story), but it feels like it's not mine to tell. Early Sunday morning she got home with fast food, boyfriend, and crew of friends, all a little boozy. She gave me this great hug, and said "I hope you think of me as a mom--you know you can come to me with anything." It was mostly the booze talking, but it was also the most genuinely sweet thing anyone had said to me in a while, and she meant it at the moment, and I rode home smiling. (Late night bike rides are one of my favorite things--I think I need more of them.) And then I called P, because she makes me call her and let her know I got home safely.

...

Does anyone local have an extra road bike lying around? I'd be happy to give it a good home--I might even be able to cough up a small payment. Hybrids will also be considered. Or anything else that is relatively rideable.

...

I wish I could take parts of today back--do things differently. At the very least, not snapped at the co-worker who didn't deserve it.

...

Went to the tranny roadshow a couple of weeks ago. I was kind of overwhelmed with shyness, but I loved hearing people's stories, and T and I kidnapped kidhori after, and made him go search for food with us. We got to hang out with Charlie and Roberta as well, which is always fun--I'd like to do it more often.

...

Speaking of T... some of you know, maybe, that we've been dating for a while. It's good. I'm trying not to worry about how long it will last, what exactly we mean to each other, what will happen if we break up and are still roommates, or any of the twenty thousand other things I could worry about. Instead, I'm just letting myself enjoy this. I feel lucky. I am lucky.

...

I'm thinking a lot lately about the idea of doing the next right thing. I can let myself get overwhelmed, thinking of all the things I have to, or should, do. Clean the bathroom, do my laundry, clean my room, figure out taxes, email about that thing I've been avoiding, worry about getting everything done, finally get my application sent, stress about work, clean out the cat litter, write my grandparents--shit, I promised myself I'd write them regularly, fuck I need to start going through those papers I never dealt with when I moved. And on and on and on. And on. I've been working about putting all of that aside--not forgetting, but just realizing that I can't catch up on my life all at once, and doing the next right thing. And then thinking about the rest once that thing is done. And picking something else. One thing at a time. I'm pretty sure the next right thing right now is a shower, laundry, and bed.

...

Published by :alyx 2006-04-25 03:55:17.0