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http://sarah-lynn26.livejournal.com/40013.html
so Ive had a couple revelations the past couple days, if only I could remember them...
1) so the last part of this week (appox wed. thru friday afternoon) were hell. the evil gma decided she was going to move down (has since changed her mind), the good gma went into the hosptial (has since come out) and i had research papers and tests (due, and to do). time is a funny thing, when u need it to slow down it goess faster and when u want it to speed up it slows down---all hte while not changing at all. tricky lil bastard. the one good (or sometimes bad thing, but for now good) is that it keeps on moving. so whatever shit ure in now, will pass. if u can just get thru one day, the next ones sure to come.
2) erik texted me, i didnt text back. he then called, i anwserd but was busy so was going to call back. did not. id call that progress.
3) ending school year- been the fastest but one of the best. ive learned some limits, but broken thru more. this is the first year in quite a while that ive been able to be "me" umedicated or screwed up or nething. just plain and simple who and whatever ive wanted to be; starting over in front of new ppl as me, and it was ok. I have a ton of firends now that i didnt have b4, becuz they like "me". not becuz they were firends with som1 else first or becuz they thought they should be or becuz of something they thought they knew. becuz the real me, not so shy, outspoken, blunt as a butterknife, rough around the edges me. was plenty good enough. i said something the otehr day and tiff goes "haha. just another one of the million and three reasons why I love sarah." and thats a really nice feeling. sure, some ppl prbly dont like me and plenty others simply dont agree- and thats ok. becuz i kno that for them to do that, we fundamentally disagree on some level and when thats the case, i really dont care to try and fix it.
4) fixing things. some things just shouldnt be fixed, some things u cant fix, and some things u think need fixing, are really just hte way they should be and its you that needs the fixing. and on occasion u can fix them, but even once uve done that, its never quite enough. which leads me to number 5.
5) "The greatest revelation about the past stems from the realization that it is unnessecary to try and be rid of the past, because we are already, by defintion, rid of it." one thing ive learned to do, or am getting close to learning, is letting go. some things still get my attention or send me back, but most of the time, I can say that ive "let go". and that applies to various situations.
6) be significant. ive got a pretty good idea of where i wanna go in life, and i intend to follow it and get there. no matter how difficult it may be. another thing in the archives of sarahs brain: "Hard" really doesnt mean shit. becuz even when uve found a place to put the blame, the problem is still there until u take care of it ureself. often times, that doesnt involve neone but ureself. ok. its "hard". and?
6.5) be significant. do something with ure life (or at least set ureself up to do so), dont be one of those ppl u see everyday, more or less a waste of oxygen, who can do nothing but bitch about problems with no intention of fixing them. that, my friend, is not ok. put uerself in a position that u CAN have an affect on the big problems. if its something that interstes u enough to bitch about it, make it interesting enough to do something about.
thats all for now lol. ~Sarah~
Published by :sarah-lynn26 2006-04-30 16:11:25.0
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